I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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