It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
