Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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