I accidentally had phone sex last night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
