Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
