think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
