I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pooping to opera.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
