i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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