this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
