dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
