I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
