Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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