This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
