I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
