That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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