I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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