I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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