Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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