I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
