im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
