just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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