I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
