Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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