Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
