come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
