Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
