i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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