if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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