she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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