I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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