he shaved USA in his pubs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
