I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
