M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
