You're so nebulous sometimes
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Randomize
