Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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