I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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