Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
