yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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