i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
