so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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