My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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