Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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