Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
