Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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