what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
