if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
