hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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