I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
