Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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