I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
