Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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