Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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